Grief I’ve Caused

“Let my eyes overflow with tears night and day without ceasing; for my virgin daughter—my people—has suffered a grievous wound, a crushing blow” (Jeremiah 14:17).

My son’s teacher emailed me his progress report, I was struck dumb. I didn’t know how I should react to this. He’s normally an “A” student and not having any trouble doing his homework or his tests. So, to receive this kind of report was troubling for me. I was dumbfounded. I didn’t know what to do, so I prayed. I knew that anger was not going to resolve it. Neither would punishment. So, I was thinking about rewarding him, should he choose to make up some of his missed assignments; And, if he so choose to not make them up, I would punishment him by taking away his video games.

So, I was anxious for him to come home because I was cooking up a reward, I knew he would love-I would let him spend the night with his friend and buy him a new game. When he came home, I asked him about his grades, he was upset but said that he had already written the essay and was waiting for me to let him on the computer so he could type it. It was music to my ears. I asked to see the essay. After several minutes of demanding on my part and fumbling on his, he finally handed over the handwritten essay.

I turned on the computer and let him type it. Then, he asked me to proofread it. I did and had problem with a few areas of the essay. To me, it was a contradicting essay. Now, before you start throwing stones at me, let me tell you why: this son of mine is very smart. An “A” average student writing a supposed to be persuasive essay. His sentences made perfect sense, remember he’s the one correcting my grammar here. But, his essay was not persuasive enough for me.

However, he was determined to keep the essay as it was and not willing to change according to the few suggestions I’ve made. Therefore, I’ve resorted to tell him I was going to reward him if he completed the essay and turned it in. And he said, “With what, a day off doing dishes?”

I was mad. Had my son think so little of me that he would say such demeaning thing to me? Tears streaming down my cheeks, I turned my head up to heaven, and said, “Lord, don’t let these tears fall on my son.”

As I thought more and more of this account, the Lord revealed a troubling truth to me: over the history of my life, the Lord has stated how much I was worth to Him and how He longs to reward me with unimaginable rewards. And, had I asked Him, “With what?” What a heart-wrenching statement! How degrading of His authority and provision over me!

His love for us is deep and wide: when he made us, He said that we were fearfully and wonderfully made. He gave careful thought to the form of our image and frame; to create our skinning, just right, or big butt, big eyes with long lashes or skimpy eyes with no lashes, skinny legs, etc. To Him, we are His creative arts. Thus, each time we cried out to Him how unfair that we are made to be the way we are with no talent or too many talents we don’t know what to do with them, we cause Him to grief. God wants us to appreciate our long or short noses. He wants us to understand we are His creative arts and for special reasons.

He’s waiting for us to accept ourselves where we are and allow Him to finish us, His pieces of arts, so that we can be these wonderful individuals that we were meant to be and able to receive His rewards. His rewards are bigger than our eyes can see, louder than our ears can bear, and deeper than our minds can conceive. How long then will we cause Him to cry by feeling ashamed of our frames, denying our existence, and defeating His purpose through us by degrading His art? To fear Him is to show our appreciations for His art.

Lord, thank You for this wonderful body of mine. Thank You for this gift of spirit and talent You placed in this body. Forgive me for all of my past behaviors toward Your master plan in the creation of me. In Jesus’ name, Amen.