I have 10 days, including today, until Valentine’s Day. And, each day leading to Valentine's Day, I want to dedicate a blog day to each one of my family members because they are the love of my life.
Disclaimer: I do not have a father. I mean my father died two weeks before I was born and never knew him. So, I will not be sending him a Valentine dedication. And, my mother does not read English or use the computer so she will never be able to read this, but I’m writing it because I want you to know how wonderful she is.
My Mother
She’s serious, sarcastic, practical, slim, loud, energetic, and prideful. She’s 82 years old, looks more like she’s in her late 60’s (I hope I have more of her genes). She’s pessimistic as far as social status, but very positive as far as life goes: She doesn’t believe in talking about death (I call this denial), hence, she does not have a will (I don’t have one either, but for a very different reason: procrastination). But, hey, she’s as healthy as a goat. She’s very active. She watches my nieces and nephews, all six of them, now five. She drives my sister-in-law to and from work everyday. She picks the children up from schools. She cooks and cleans the house like a maid. She hates to leave unclean dishes in the sink. And she grows her own garden.
She’s an early riser. She showers in the morning. She drinks coffee and tea and eat rice soup for breakfast.
She’s very independent-had to be since she was a child: Her father was brutally murdered for political reasons. Her mother was a hard worker; very active; but slow in her speech ability; unable to stand up for her children’s safety and wellbeing. She married my dad in her early twenties. He died early in their marriage. She was left with five children to care for. Shortly after my father’s death, she was forced into another marriage as a second wife-polygamy was legal in Laos-leaving her children behind to her in-laws (it was the cultural practice). She gave birth to another son, who died of malnutrition. Then, she lost her oldest son to illness. She lost her second husband in the Vietnam War. She fought her way back for custody of her children. Then, she was physically separated from my two brothers and sister-for the second time because our village was invaded: She was left to surrender her life to the Vietnam soldiers because I was too young to travel.
In 1980, she came to the United States with her two girls, leaving her sons behind in Laos. In the mid 80’s, she managed to sponsor her older son, after two years of battle with Immigration Services. A couple years after that, she sponsored her second son. Finally, the whole family was together again. But, a few months after he arrived, she lost him in a fatal car accident. She was devastated. But, she managed to hold herself up again for more of life’s surprises. She was indeed a very strong woman-still is.
She believes that life has too much to offer for one to contemplate death-after all that she’s been through. She makes herself stay strong and independent in fear of having to stay at a nursing home or being a burden to her children.
And, in all my life with her, I’ve never seen her put herself before her children: I remember staying in a Thai refugee camp: she had no money so she would take me around to Thai authorities begging for money to quench my cravings for candies and little things that required money. But, if she needed anything, she did not ask, beg or do anything that would cause her discomfort. She rarely cried in front of me, even when we were separated from my brothers and sister. She always stayed strong. She built her life around integrity. She was always giving and sharing, even in her lack. She was very frugal-still is. She was a great hostess for all her guests, including strangers. And, she remained single after the death of her second husband (there were many men who proposed to her) out of love for her children.
So for all of the above and more, she deserves to be my Valentine. Happy Valentine’s Day, Mom.
Disclaimer: I do not have a father. I mean my father died two weeks before I was born and never knew him. So, I will not be sending him a Valentine dedication. And, my mother does not read English or use the computer so she will never be able to read this, but I’m writing it because I want you to know how wonderful she is.
My Mother
She’s serious, sarcastic, practical, slim, loud, energetic, and prideful. She’s 82 years old, looks more like she’s in her late 60’s (I hope I have more of her genes). She’s pessimistic as far as social status, but very positive as far as life goes: She doesn’t believe in talking about death (I call this denial), hence, she does not have a will (I don’t have one either, but for a very different reason: procrastination). But, hey, she’s as healthy as a goat. She’s very active. She watches my nieces and nephews, all six of them, now five. She drives my sister-in-law to and from work everyday. She picks the children up from schools. She cooks and cleans the house like a maid. She hates to leave unclean dishes in the sink. And she grows her own garden.
She’s an early riser. She showers in the morning. She drinks coffee and tea and eat rice soup for breakfast.
She’s very independent-had to be since she was a child: Her father was brutally murdered for political reasons. Her mother was a hard worker; very active; but slow in her speech ability; unable to stand up for her children’s safety and wellbeing. She married my dad in her early twenties. He died early in their marriage. She was left with five children to care for. Shortly after my father’s death, she was forced into another marriage as a second wife-polygamy was legal in Laos-leaving her children behind to her in-laws (it was the cultural practice). She gave birth to another son, who died of malnutrition. Then, she lost her oldest son to illness. She lost her second husband in the Vietnam War. She fought her way back for custody of her children. Then, she was physically separated from my two brothers and sister-for the second time because our village was invaded: She was left to surrender her life to the Vietnam soldiers because I was too young to travel.
In 1980, she came to the United States with her two girls, leaving her sons behind in Laos. In the mid 80’s, she managed to sponsor her older son, after two years of battle with Immigration Services. A couple years after that, she sponsored her second son. Finally, the whole family was together again. But, a few months after he arrived, she lost him in a fatal car accident. She was devastated. But, she managed to hold herself up again for more of life’s surprises. She was indeed a very strong woman-still is.
She believes that life has too much to offer for one to contemplate death-after all that she’s been through. She makes herself stay strong and independent in fear of having to stay at a nursing home or being a burden to her children.
And, in all my life with her, I’ve never seen her put herself before her children: I remember staying in a Thai refugee camp: she had no money so she would take me around to Thai authorities begging for money to quench my cravings for candies and little things that required money. But, if she needed anything, she did not ask, beg or do anything that would cause her discomfort. She rarely cried in front of me, even when we were separated from my brothers and sister. She always stayed strong. She built her life around integrity. She was always giving and sharing, even in her lack. She was very frugal-still is. She was a great hostess for all her guests, including strangers. And, she remained single after the death of her second husband (there were many men who proposed to her) out of love for her children.
So for all of the above and more, she deserves to be my Valentine. Happy Valentine’s Day, Mom.
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